I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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