i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
