Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
