you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
