I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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