im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
