just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
