i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
