Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
