I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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