I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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