update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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