If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
