It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
