Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
