Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
