he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
