And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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