Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
