I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
