you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
