stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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