So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
