he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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