oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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