textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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