There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
