I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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