Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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