I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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