I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
