I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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