we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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