Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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