She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
