Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
