On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
