i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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