Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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