I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Let's get the cat blown out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
