addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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