There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
