I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
