I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
