i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
