after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
