I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
