I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
