Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I looked at my own cervix.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
