So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
