I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
