it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
