I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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