i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
