That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
